Helping Your Baby Get to SLEEP!

 
www.flickr.comphotosmotrenko173652215inphotostreamsleepswing.jpgMost new parents are shocked by the constant interruption of their sleep that a newborn brings to the house.  How can you be there when your baby needs you, but still get some rest?

There are basically three schools of thought on this issue. 

The first, made popular by the book authored by pediatrician Richard Ferber, advocates teaching babies over the age of three months to sleep through the night in their own cribs, by letting them "cry it out" for increasingly longer periods of time. While most babies eventually give up and fall asleep, the process is often traumatic for parents (and we can assume for the baby), and frequently needs to be repeated following any disruption in routine.  Critics point out that Ferber has no psychology training and question whether letting babies cry it out has permanent, harmful effects. More on Ferber.

The second school of thought, practiced by advocates of the Family Bed, says that infants are hard-wired to sleep with their mothers, and nurse at night, for many months, probably until toddlerhood.  They point out that babies who sleep with their mothers are less likely to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), and that the mothers get much more sleep. Critics of this method express concern that parents might inadvertently roll on their babies in the night, and point out that babies who sleep with their mothers and nurse on demand take much longer to sleep through the night.  They also wonder why any self-respecting toddler who is accustomed to sleeping with his parents will give that up for a new, lonely, "big-boy-bed."  More on the Family Bed.

The third school, perhaps best represented by No Cry Sleep Solution author Elizabeth Pantley, understands that parents may desperately need some sleep and agrees with Ferber that babies need to learn to fall back asleep on their own, but argues that this can be accomplished without the trauma of letting babies cry it out. More on Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

Having attempted Ferbering and failed, having loved the family bed but given my baby cavities from night nursing that went on too long, and having spent far too many nights waking up to help babies fall back to sleep, I find myself agreeing with Pantley and her cohort. What I like most about Pantley is that she offers a variety of sleep solutions that fit every unique family, from co-sleeping to baby bunks that attach to the parents' bed, to cribs. 

Of course you want your children to know from the earliest age that they can always ask for and get help.  That said, we all need sleep to function and be good parents.  My recommendations are biased in favor of keeping your baby close so you can get more sleep.  But this is a very individual choice. Read as much as you can, and then lose the guilt. Do what works for you and your baby. 

How can you get some sleep, when your baby’s still waking up to nurse?

1. Sleep whenever and wherever you can. Keep your baby near you while he's still nursing at night, so you don't have to get out of bed.  Breastmilk is designed to be given every few hours. It simply cannot hold a baby for much longer.  Rats, on the other hand, give their baby food much higher in fat, so that the mother rat can leave the babies for eight hours while she’s off foraging.  Baby humans could not survive predators if they were left for long periods, so nature has designed them to require their mother's presence fairly constantly.  That means your baby needs to be nursed at night, for a minimum of six monthsand probably until she is a year old. 

Afraid of rolling over on your baby?  Unlikely, since mothers are designed not to (unless her natural warning system has been interfered with by drugs or alcohol). There is actually evidence that babies who sleep with their mothers are less likely to die of SIDS because the co-sleeping babies' sleep cycles are in sync with their moms', and her presence stimulates him not to fall into such a deep sleep.  However, it seems possible to me that a father could suffocate a very young baby, especially if he's had a drink or two. I would always position a very young baby on the other side of the mother (with a wall or secure piece of furniture blocking him from falling, of course, and a pillow or rolled blanket between him and that wall). And NEVER let a baby sleep on a waterbed, where they are absolutely in danger of suffocation.

www.inventiveparent.com.jpg3. If you don't feel comfortable with your baby in bed with you, try a “Moses basket,” cradle or baby bunk within arm's reach. Some moms are such light sleepers that they just can't get any sleep at all if the baby is in their bed. There are wonderful baby bunks that can be anchored to your bed, at the same level, and opened so that the baby has his own space but you can roll him into your bed with you to nurse.

4.  Learn to nurse lying down so you can sleep while he feeds.  It may take a week, while you get the hang of nursing, but learn to nurse lying down, so you can doze, and you'll feel much more rested.  Just wedge pillows behind you and between your knees for support, and put a folded blanket under Baby if necessary to raise him to the level of your breast so neither of you is straining to reach.  He should be on his side, facing you. 

5.  Help your baby set her metabolic clock.  She doesn't know it's night and she should sleep. She'll learn, eventually, but you can help your little night-owl adjust faster to the world outside your womb by making sure she doesn't sleep all day.  Take her out in the sun.  Go for walks.  Let her feast her eyes and ears on the wonders of the world.  All humans really do sleep better at night when they've been exposed to fresh air and sunshine during the day.  Also,you should know that babies who sleep with their moms end up synchronizing their REM sleep cycles, which means she's more likely to treat night as sleep time and day as waking time. And of course, keep things dark and quiet at night.  Nurse her when she wakes, and change her if you must (not all babies are sensitive to require changes at night), but don't make it into playtime.

6. Take a long maternity leave, so you can nap when your baby naps during the day. This is the golden rule. Forget the shower, who cares?  Go for the nap.

6.  If your partner can take the baby in the morning to let you sleep in for an hour, it can make all the difference in the world.  Don't feel guilty about it. Eight hours of sleep with interruptions to feed your baby is not the same as the eight hours you used to get.  You need more now.

7. Go to bed early.  When you were pregnant you did it.  Don't feel bad about it, this is not the time to resume an active evening life. You have the rest of your life to stay up late.

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Photos:
1- Alex Motrenko
2-- www.inventiveparent.com, which sells the Baby Bunk pictured here.